Today, hrm, Today – it has been . . . different, but for the moment, lets just cover the past, before we get to the present? Eh?

 

Well, this is a good a place to start as any, moving in with my father, and his girlfriend, is proving to be difficult, not my father, but his girlfriend Chrissie – dont worry, theres no argumants, and there is no worry of me being booted out of house and home, its more – difficulty with me, and who i am, and what i have.

 

Its well known knoledge by now im dyspraxic, she knows all about what it is, how it is a part of me, and how I’ve grown, the way i behave, my actions, or more often than not, in-actions, and mistakes (which are many) and my memory – well, im now living with a person, to whom the words “Can’t” and “Cannot” mean nothing, and many people say “Hey thats great” when it comes to things like being an out-going person, and achieving personal goals, but when it comes to actual, problems, as in, mental, and now more apparent – physical, seemingly built in barriers I have never been able to pass or break, because I have had them for as long as I’ve known, there lies a problem.

 

She is trying to help, but thats whats winding me up, because she raised her children completely differently to me, and they did not have my problems, my childhood, my world, and its a culture shock to me, but its more for her, and she is trying to help me with work, college, accomodations, the new problems with my phone, and other issues, but she cannot seem to wrap her mind around my other problems, like the fact that she’ll tell me something, and i usually remember most of it, but parts slip, and she cannot seem to wrap her head around that concept, the fact that I AM forgetfull, I AM clumbsy, I DONT know about what a lot of things are, or mean.

 

And then theres the issue of things, i cannot do (and i mean, physically cannot do) – I.E – Last week, i ended up getting switched from regular recycling to regular refuse as a driver was a loader short, and i volenteered for the job (how hard can it be?) and i found out just how hard it COULD be.

 

By the end of the day, i was exhausted, physically and mentally, i was fustrated and just beginning to taste the apathy setting in, i didnt have the hand-to-eye co-ordination for the job, or the physical strength, and the poor guy – the other loader had simply relegated me to bring the bins to him, so he could load them, but i couldnt even pull the bins, they where falling over, wobbling, hitting each other, hitting me, i could not drag them, pull them, and as for loading them, for the other guy – it took 2 attmpts, tops – for me, it was anything for 6 attempts plus, i sinply could not do the job at hand, i said it, the driver said it, the loader said it – and when i came home, the first thing she said to me, the first thing was “Well, you’ll never know from the first try” but, yes, yes i did freaking know – that job was, and IS BEYOND ME, and then i get the wonderous line of “Theres nothing you cannot do, and theres no such thing as ‘Can’t’ ”!

 

I swear to god, i could have eploded at her, after a day of what could only be pronounced as massive failure on my part, i knew my limits, and she basically told me they didn’t exist – but when you have a body like mine, doing that job is beyond me, probably for months, because I simply do not have the muscle mass or hand-to-eye to do it, i cannot move the bins, i cannot lift them, i cannot pull or drag them, i know my limits for that job, and they ended when i got in the cab.

 

All in all, regular refuse work, is beyond me, it really is – and there are a lot of other things that are beyond me, certain types of physical work, mental concepts, all things that people down here seem to have built into them, are alien to me, and vice-versa and the thing is, they all seem insistant that i HAVE to change to thier ways, and all i can say is “Well, sure, so long as you can change to ME”

 

At which point, Chrissie, and a lot other people down here say “Yes, sure Craig” and then – don’t, because the way i work is alien to them, and the way they work is alien to me.

 

**Sigh** unless i hit some form of ley-way soon, i am going to explode in one form or another . . .

 

As for college? Well, i found something out today – a little thing known as “Level 3 exemption” and for once, im beginning to be glad that northampton college, and the fuck-wits inside it, fucked me over royally – for they, the idiots that they are, gave me a doorway.

 

Because of thier fuck-up, i now have a chance, them not giving me my grade until now, opened a door, providing that i did not pass my college courses, i will be treated as a 16-19 year old once more, and therefore, will still be unable to take on my foundation degree i was counting on (at university level) but instead, will be able to take on college education, full time, for absolutely nothing

 

This means i can finish off my English courses from before (expanding my writing skills) and take on another, media course intensivly (the first and second year at the same time) and enrole in an additional animation class – which is pretty much the whole skill set for my Uni-level course, for nothing – which is AWESOME!

 

I have to go back in tomorrow, and sort the specifics, but with that breath of fresh air, i can apparently check something out called “Housing allowance” along with evening work – which will put me back in line for accomodation!

 

And now, onwards to the other part of today, the interesting part . . .

 

I was just getting on the bus home from college, after the before mentioned awesome, it was one of the bus’s that was not quite a mini-bus, but not quite a coach, if you get my drift, and i sat down on the seat above the wheel, when i got the shock of my life today . . .

 

I had sat down, and turned onto my new CD in the player (Coheed and Cambria – The Second Stage Turbine Blade – which is awesome!) and peered out to the window, as i usually do on the bus, it started to pull out, and i had a split second to see that the other bus we where passing, had decided to pull out, and at quite some speed.

 

The only thing i can really remember seeing was the wingmirror coming my way as i lept from the seat, and the other bus came plowing straight into the seat i was just sat in, my own actions of leaping out of the way had saved me, even if i head butted the other seat (Thank fuck it was the cusion, and not the plastic bar along the top) i got up, brushing glass of my clothes, as i turned around to see the seat i was just sat in.

 

The window was smashed to hell, glass from my window, and the ones in front and behind, was everywhere, the side-wall of the bus was buckled and bent inwards, and the seat i was sat in? Above the wheel arch? Was sat in its place, only twisted forwards and at a 20 degree angle, and the wheel arch was twisted and ripped, i could see the inside of the tire and the axel underneath.

 

I sat there and checked myself over, expecting something like a huge cut, or a piece of glass sticking out of me, something you’d never notice because of shock until afterwards, and then hurt like hell, but i was stood there, unscathed, and my eyes shot to the old gentleman who was sat in the seat just in front of me, who was up against the seat in front, unconcious, and with glass cuts across the top of his forehead.

 

The ambulance crew turned up just after he regained conciousness, and he turned out to be okay, but shaken, they checked me over, and gave me a clean bill of health, and let me go – the police have all of my details, and i am apparently, a witness – so i am expecting a phone call later.

 

But, looking back on it, good god am i glad to be here, what if i had looked the other way? Through the other window? Not seen it coming? Or if i had jumped to late? I don’t even want to think about what could have happened instead, all i can say is (and i just said it above ) Good god am i glad to be here!

 

Well, thats all i can really think of for this blog post, i did have more, before today, but things got thrown aside (quite litterally) but there will be another soon, until then folks! See Ya’ll round!

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Um, I suppose to start off - it's great that you can catch up on all the college stuff for free, in fact awesome. Looking forward to hearing more about the adventures you'll be having there.

I know it's tough that people don't fully understand with the dyspraxia - heck, I forget sometimes - but you know it's just the way people are. As you've found out the hard way, people don't respond well to change. Adjusting to new places, new faces and new routines is damn hard for everyone. But with time, these things improve. I know it feels like you've been there for ages already, but it's barely a month or two... so just wait and see.

As for the bus experience - holy shit I'm glad you're ok. ^^

Im sorry that things are proving a bit difficult with your dyspraxia. All I can suggest is that you keep saying this isn't my fault, I can't do this. I have dyspraxia etc. Sorry Im not of more help on that one, but I will be hear to listen anytime.
Flippin fantastic news about college, Im well pleased for you!!! It rocks!! Wooo! Keep us posted on it.
As for the bus, bloody hell that was a close call. I am SO SO glad your ok. Your a good mate and I'm glad your in my life :) Take care xxxx